This is my 92nd post to the blog. Wow ... I as hoping to make it to 100 and make a nice grand blog entry ... but, I have a feeling I'll forget and I'll remember only when I'm at another odd mark anyway. So here's BIG #92 (just incase!)
The weekend before last my husband MADE.MY.DAY. by saying, "So, if I travel to China again would you like to go with me?--I'm not sure what you'd do the whole time I was busy with work..., "where are your friends in China? (meaning New Day)--Beijing?--Hmmm," This was right before bed and well, as you can imagine I couldn't get to sleep very easily just thinking about this potential trip sometime in the hazy future! I was giddy just with the thought.
Ahhhh, but as one of the lines from my favorite movies (Out of Africa) reminds me, "the Earth was made round so that we cannot see so far into the future."
I had gone and picked up my passport application promptly on Monday morning ... had it filled out by the time Jeff came home from work ... and ... on Thursday he broke the news to me that he had been informed that there might be a reorganization in teams and he might be moving from the China project ... to one in Japan. I think we both may have felt my heart hit the floor.
And it's true, it has become official. Thankfully he has a job and that it's just a shift in position within the company. But it's disappointing for him. He's worked so hard, built a team of people that he's hired, gotten to know and really likes ... and now for the second time, as this happened last year around December when he was working with projects in both Italy and France, he's gotten super submersed in a project and then he has been asked to move programs. Last time however I had been praying that God would make China's orphans so clearly set into his path ... and WOW ... he came home one day and said he had been moved to a project in China out of the blue.
Talk about goosebumps! God felt very close!
So, as you can imagine, I'm kinda disappointed along with him with his position change. But thankful at the same time because in this economy being out of a job would be very scary! And I know that Jeff will do such a great job on any project he works with. I think I'm mostly disappointed in myself ... for thinking that I had things all so neatly worked out in my head even if I won't fully admit it.
On a very timely note, I heard a Focus on the Family program on the radio this past Saturday that featured the creator of Big Idea productions and VeggieTales. Apparently in 2003 Big Idea Productions was about to go bankrupt and he needed to break away from the company-- the company that he envision, built from the ground, loved so much, which was his dream, his passion. He was at a crisis point in his life and wanted to know "God, why did you give me this dream and then take it away from me?" Okay, I'm not having a crisis here ... but I did find the topic somewhat appropriate and it kinda struck my heart. Someone told him an answer that kinda fits me too. It was suggested that, "God wants to be the center of your passion and maybe you think He is, but is He? Has something gotten in the way?"
I am always excited about what the future might hold. It's just a little scarier when you need to go on faith and not just seeing a path flowing out in front of you easily and comfortably and totally as you would imagine it. Someday I know I'll look back and be amazed about where God has taken me and that it is so much better than I could have planned or imagined myself. It just kinda stinks right now, because I was enjoying the "thousand points of light ... all coming together!" haha! (to borrow from SNL ... who borrowed from a former president.) And to borrow from my earlier self ... back in grad school when I kept a sketchbook journal instead of an online blog and when I was fascinated by the Tao te Ching and not burdened by the plight of 143 million little souls that long for families ...
"... And me ... with my life unfurling before me like The Great Wall of China..."--Valerie (circa 1995)
I am reminded--"Impossibilities are opportunities for God to reveal Himself."
And I cling to Him and pray that He remains my passion and the center of it all.
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