Thursday, October 29, 2009

Post #92!

This is my 92nd post to the blog. Wow ... I as hoping to make it to 100 and make a nice grand blog entry ... but, I have a feeling I'll forget and I'll remember only when I'm at another odd mark anyway. So here's BIG #92 (just incase!)

The weekend before last my husband MADE.MY.DAY. by saying, "So, if I travel to China again would you like to go with me?--I'm not sure what you'd do the whole time I was busy with work..., "where are your friends in China? (meaning New Day)--Beijing?--Hmmm," This was right before bed and well, as you can imagine I couldn't get to sleep very easily just thinking about this potential trip sometime in the hazy future! I was giddy just with the thought.

Ahhhh, but as one of the lines from my favorite movies (Out of Africa) reminds me, "the Earth was made round so that we cannot see so far into the future."
I had gone and picked up my passport application promptly on Monday morning ... had it filled out by the time Jeff came home from work ... and ... on Thursday he broke the news to me that he had been informed that there might be a reorganization in teams and he might be moving from the China project ... to one in Japan. I think we both may have felt my heart hit the floor.

And it's true, it has become official. Thankfully he has a job and that it's just a shift in position within the company. But it's disappointing for him. He's worked so hard, built a team of people that he's hired, gotten to know and really likes ... and now for the second time, as this happened last year around December when he was working with projects in both Italy and France, he's gotten super submersed in a project and then he has been asked to move programs. Last time however I had been praying that God would make China's orphans so clearly set into his path ... and WOW ... he came home one day and said he had been moved to a project in China out of the blue.
Talk about goosebumps! God felt very close!

So, as you can imagine, I'm kinda disappointed along with him with his position change. But thankful at the same time because in this economy being out of a job would be very scary! And I know that Jeff will do such a great job on any project he works with. I think I'm mostly disappointed in myself ... for thinking that I had things all so neatly worked out in my head even if I won't fully admit it.

On a very timely note, I heard a Focus on the Family program on the radio this past Saturday that featured the creator of Big Idea productions and VeggieTales. Apparently in 2003 Big Idea Productions was about to go bankrupt and he needed to break away from the company-- the company that he envision, built from the ground, loved so much, which was his dream, his passion. He was at a crisis point in his life and wanted to know "God, why did you give me this dream and then take it away from me?" Okay, I'm not having a crisis here ... but I did find the topic somewhat appropriate and it kinda struck my heart. Someone told him an answer that kinda fits me too. It was suggested that, "God wants to be the center of your passion and maybe you think He is, but is He? Has something gotten in the way?"

I am always excited about what the future might hold. It's just a little scarier when you need to go on faith and not just seeing a path flowing out in front of you easily and comfortably and totally as you would imagine it. Someday I know I'll look back and be amazed about where God has taken me and that it is so much better than I could have planned or imagined myself. It just kinda stinks right now, because I was enjoying the "thousand points of light ... all coming together!" haha! (to borrow from SNL ... who borrowed from a former president.) And to borrow from my earlier self ... back in grad school when I kept a sketchbook journal instead of an online blog and when I was fascinated by the Tao te Ching and not burdened by the plight of 143 million little souls that long for families ...
"... And me ... with my life unfurling before me like The Great Wall of China..."--Valerie (circa 1995)

I am reminded--"Impossibilities are opportunities for God to reveal Himself."
And I cling to Him and pray that He remains my passion and the center of it all.


Stefanie said...

Happy #92!!
Love the way you share your heart!
I can imagine how you felt when you realized you wouldn't be going to China... at least not YET :)
Whose quote is that at the end of your post?? POWERFUL stuff!!

TanyaLea said...

Great post, Valerie!! :) I have a feeling in my heart that God is just 'working' things out, and He'll make a way for you to still visit China (NewDay!!) Just continue to draw near to Him while He unfolds the path set before you! <><

Blessings and Hugs!!

Tara Anderson said...

Congrats on your 92nd post! However, when I read that line about you not going to China, MY heart hit the floor! I know how much you would have loved that, but I also know that God has something BIG in store for you that we can only begin to imagine! Of course, I rejoice with you that Jeff is still employed and that God has opened a new door for the two of you to walk through. It may not be China, but it is still something HE planned for you...and that is an adventure in itself!!!

Football & Fried Rice said...

Yes, Happy Close-to-100 posts!!! Yes, it is a blessing to still have a job, thought not in China (:

I was going to share with you that on Orphan Sunday (Nov 8) we are going to Grace Community Church in North LIberty, Iowa - they are broadcasting this -

it is going to be powerful & amazing! I'd love to meet you there to worship & pray for the 147 million!

Michele said...

I have always found when He takes something away, he replaces it with something bigger and better!

Hugs! I know how disappointed you are. But you know what? I am super proud of you for being so mature in your Christian walk. Acknowledging your desire to want Him more than anything. AWESOME! God will honor that. He really will.

The Sanders Family said...

Awww, Valerie. What a great post! I can see God smiling as you long for Him to be your passion, to be the center of it all. I pray that for you {and for me} too! And I would give you a big hug right now if I could, but please accept a virtual HUG from me :) Love ya! Angie :)

The family

The family