Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Look Into My Heart

My scheduled echocardiogram and treadmill stress test were yesterday ... and my paperwork said that they would measure to see how big my heart was as well as look at all the structures and arteries.

How very cool!

I mean, what a promise ... they could really TELL me how big my heart was?! And could they possibly see all that fills it?

Well ... of course they didn't reveal any results from the tests until the Doctor has had a chance to review them :-( 
 And I wonder what kind of real feedback I'll get unless there is a problem. They probably weren't talking about the capacity of love that could fill my heart, eh? Oh well.

They DID confirm that my heart was NOT two sizes too small as in the case of The Grinch (and apparently there really is a heart condition, especially found in women, called "Grinch Disease" where the heart is too small! And here I was just kidding when I asked! Who knew?!)
The Grinch, a bitter, cave-dwelling creature with a heart "two sizes too small", lives on snowy Mount Crumpit, a steep, 3,000-foot (910 m) high mountain just north ofWhoville, home of the merry and warm-hearted Whos. 

But I don't think it grew 3 sizes overnight like Mr. Grinch's either. 

I'm just not sure what to make of this cardiac journey and why the ski trip was such an intense magnification of these pesky symptoms that in retrospect I've had pop up now and again for years in smaller intensity. I'd like to think that God has a specific and good plan for it just packed full of blessings, but then again maybe I just need to be aware of my overall fitness and health. (I'm going to hold out hope for the former packed full of blessings-wink~!)

It was pretty crazy to SEE my own heart beating, valves opening and closing, red and blue areas of oxygenated and deoxygenated blood filling chambers right in front of me. And although it wasn't quite as cool as watching a tiny baby in an OB ultrasound it still left me in unanticipated awe and wonder.

God is just so cool in how intricately we are designed right down to the pump that runs our bodies. I almost felt a bit like I was seeing something so private that I should look away. Like it should be something secret and hidden. It certainly took the many years of biology classes and instantly brought them right to the front of my brain in a rush as I tried to make out the fuzzy echocardiogram images while trying to make sense of what I was seeing while also trying to understand if it was good or bad. (This is NOT my actual echo btw.) And it is a far stretch to even begin to think I could understand these images.
One thing I do know for certain ... I have had a lot of unresolved thoughts on my father's early heart attacks (the first when he was 37 and I was only 4 years old!), the fact that he died one day before his rescheduled stress test a few months before our wedding (over 25 years later than his first btw, what a gift of a lifetime that was! Thank you God!) and my own fears of what may lie secretly in the structure of my own heart. I guess I'm being forced to look at these things and in the process realize that the heart is magnificent in its design and the Cardiology Dept. is not something to be feared ... in fact I am in awe of the incredible services available to us right here in our area. 
Just amazing.
I'm kinda wishing I would have studied this in college--what a gift it would be to have that knowledge and skill to help others.)
So maybe God is growing my heart ... or at least growing my familiarity with it and shrinking my fear of it.

2 comments:

Tara Anderson said...

Watching an echo is an incredible experience! And you're right...there is a peace that comes with knowing. It's amazing how much you can learn about the heart just studying up on it yourself!

The Sanders Family said...

Wow, so cool what modern science can reveal. And yet, all the intricacies that still only God can understand, too much for our little minds to fathom. Praying right along with you that this journey will be packed full of underlying blessings my friend!!

The family

The family